A Lecture Will Not Work, Talk Less and Listen More
/ Yo Mariana
Every time I have my children's attention, I feel like it's the perfect opportunity to talk with them about important issues that concern me the most. Golden moments.
However, that ground gold slips through my fingers when I realize that instead of having a conversation, I'm just lecturing them. Have you ever thought mid-conversation with them: — Here I go again with my endless and boring speeches.
Inevitably, I end up saturating them with information, and instead of letting the conversation flow, it becomes a monologue with no feedback, and I just hope they remember something about it later in life.
Being a mother is not an easy task and to keep an open communication channel with them is an everyday job, that if I don't maintain it open, it gets narrower with time. Ironically, the best conversations we've ever had have been when I'm not trying so hard to have them.
One of the most recurring themes I try to reinforce whenever I can, is the importance of not consuming alcoholic beverages as minors, especially during this fall season of parties and dances like Halloween and Homecoming.
Every year we establish new house rules, and we try to make our children understand the consequences in order to reach an agreement.
Responsibility.org has been the perfect resource to help us reach these agreements because that's where we find information and tips on avoiding alcohol consumption in minors, which is so important to us.
Today I share with you some of their recommendations:
1.- Strategies to say —No
We tell our children that if they are offered alcohol or any other substance, they should just say no, but if they also have an excuse prepared beforehand, it will be easier for them to answer quickly. For example: —No thanks, I have an early game tomorrow. —No thanks, if my mom finds out, she'll kill me. Blaming sports or their parents generally works and usually, they just have to say no, one time.
2.- Be the first person your children call if they are in trouble.
Every time they go to a party remind your children that if they are in trouble, if one of their friends consumed alcohol or if the party atmosphere is too heavy, they can call you immediately. Instead of them trying to resolve the situation, it is better that they feel comfortable calling you. However, that will only happen if you promise not to scold them, not ask questions, and just go pick them up and keep them safe.
3.- Talk less and listen more:
When our children come to tell us something, let's try to listen to them first without showing too much expression. The immediate reaction we give them or the expression on our faces can influence them not to want to tell us something in the future. The goal is to make them feel comfortable rather than judged by staying as neutral as possible, even if it takes a lot of work.
4.- A win/win situation for everybody:
The famous phrase —because I said so, no longer works. We may think it works at the time, but it's only an illusory control. In the long term, we want our children to understand why we're saying no, we want them to make their own decisions, and reach fair agreements. Those kinds of conversations are much more enjoyable for everyone.
5.- A lecture will not work:
This is what is most difficult for me, I always end up giving them endless lectures, however, I need to understand that being a teenager at this time can be very stressful and our children sometimes need us to simply give them a break. If we allow our children to express themselves freely in a respectful environment where they don't feel judged, we will achieve conversations that flow in both directions and not just one.
6.- “No cell phone” areas:
The cell phone is the worst enemy to encourage spontaneous conversations. Establishing family "no cell phone" times and places helps a lot. It has worked for us to not allow them at the dinner table or in car rides and these are the moments when we can have genuine conversations, without distractions. Although it's a challenge for us as well sometimes.
I hope these tips are as useful to you as they were to me. There is nothing I enjoy more in life than when we get to have amazing conversations between my three children and my husband. It doesn't always happen, it can't always happen, but with these tips, we will try to make it happen as often as possible and support them in making decisions that keep them happy and safe.
Many thanks to Responsibility.org for being our partner in this journey.
Find more information here:
I'm a #teamresponsibility ambassador and I was compensated for my post, but all opinions and photographs are my own.
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