-I don’t know- are three words I’ve had to repeat to my kids more often than I’ve liked to since the pandemic started. Every time I pull this ace out of my sleeve like an experienced magician, a knot in my stomach tightens.

These three words usually mean that uncertainty is knocking at my door like an unsolicited visitor I’ve feared all my life. Over the years I’ve learned that one of the biggest fears for children of divorce are unanswered questions and they usually spend their lives avidly seeking reaffirmation, stability, and predictability. So, being one myself, every time I get triggered by uncertainty, knowing this, becomes a big safety net where I bounce every time to regain my peace and understanding.

So, you’re probably thinking why am I talking about triggers and uncertainty on the first week of this brand-new year when we’re supposed to be talking about resolutions, green juices, and brand-new slates. Well, because after so many pandemic months, on January second, Covid hit my home. At least the virus was kind enough to give us a whole day in 2022 to enjoy a beautiful sunset at sea with not a single worry on our shoulders.

Unfortunately, we were out of the country when Covid hit, which meant we had to deal with a considerable number of unanswered questions, decisions to be made, and a cluster of opinions from all the people involved in this issue. A perfect storm for a personal emotional disaster that surprisingly did not happen.

I’ll spear you all the details, but the important thing is that my husband’s and daughter’s symptoms were mild thanks to the fact that we’re all fully vaccinated however, I’ve come to realize that I now reside in a new emotional place I never knew existed and that my husband and kids had been long time residents.

I’m calling this new place “Tranquility Island”, a beautiful tropical land surrounded by water where I secluded myself from outside turmoil during these past few weeks. Once I realized I had found this new place to inhabit and how good I felt despite everything going on, it was very easy to identify fellow islanders, outlanders trying to seek the shore, former islanders, and lost sailors so far away the shore, they were simply impossible to reach. I also learned that it’s a total waste of time to force or convince someone to join you on this island; everybody needs to travel their own journey to get there.

After reflecting on how I found this new place so easily this time around, especially when one of our biggest fears came true, I think I can attribute this new way of approaching challenges to all the wonderful advice I’ve received from phycologists, writers, and specialists I’ve met thanks to the fantastic partnership I’ve had since 2020 with Responsility.org.

So, to start the year positive, ha ha, ok, wrong word. Right now I’d rather hear the word negative, but anyways… so let’s start again. To start the year on a high note, I would love to share with you a roundup of my top experts’ recommendations and their best practices on how to handle emotions in times of crisis which have changed my life forever after this uncertain couple of years, to say the least.

This list will be my quick go-to map that will take me to Tranquility Island every time I’m struggling to get there:

1 “It’s important to name our emotions, say them out loud and try to show our kids they are not alone.”

Jessica Lahey. Author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation. Read more.

2 “We will never make a perfect choice. Thinking that we will find the correct solution to each of the decisions gives us an illusion of control. This is where we must identify those thoughts and think: -there goes my mind again telling me that there is a perfect answer. That way it will be easier to identify if those thoughts are realistic or productive.”

Dr. Pooja Lakshmin. Board-certified psychiatrist and author specializing in women's mental health. Read more .

3 “There isn’t one linear path in life, adjusting and pivoting as you change throughout life is rewarding.”

Julie Lythcott-Haims. New York Times bestselling author of How to Raise an Adult, and popular TedTalk you must watch. Read more.

4 “Life is not about perfection, it’s about learning.”

Julie Lythcott-Haims. Read more.

5.- “Normalize discomfort, autonomy, problem-solving, and uncertainty. Avoid using words like never, always, everybody, or nobody, as well as catastrophic language. Try to be hopeful and allow your kids to take reasonable risks. You want them to learn a big lesson without paying a big price.”

Lynn Lyons. Anxiety expert, therapist, co-host of FlusterClux Podcast. Read more.

.6- “Collective compassion means to give ourselves grace and compassion by showing love for that imperfect and insecure person that we are.”

Sonya Renee Taylor, writer, an award-winning poet, and an activist, speaker, and leader of The Body is Not an Apology movement. Read more.

7 “To hold a family meeting whenever we can to communicate all our needs, frustrations, or celebrations gives our children a place to vent and express everything they have to say.”

Meghan Leahy certified parent coach and Neufeld Institute Facilitator as well as the On Parenting Columnist at the Washington Post. Read more.

8 “ Kids take emotional cues from us. We set the tone. If children see us sad, they will feel sad, if they see us nervous and restless all day, they will feel nervous and restless as well, so trying to stay calm and transmit that sense of calmness to the rest of the family is key.”

Dr. Ben Nordstrom, the Addiction Psychiatrist and Executive Director of Responsibility.org. Read more.

Thanks so much to Responsibility.org for allowing me to share with all of you these wonderful conversations with these amazing experts that’ve helped me navigate more smoothly through these choppy waters. After each recommendation you´ll find the link to the full article in case you want to learn more.

I can’t wait to have my family reunited again and ask them these three questions recommended by expert Lynn Lyons to learn more about how they’ve lived these crazy pandemic years:

• What did you discover about yourself?

• What did you get better at?

• What are you most proud of?

I hope the answers to these questions help you and your family find all the strength we need to keep moving through these difficult times.

I wish you all a happy journey in 2022 to your own Tranquility Island.

Bon Voyage!