2020: Radical Honesty for a Radical Year
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Living in a polarized country, cornered by a pandemic has led me to have conversations with my children that I never thought I would have at their young age.
Topics like abortion, racism, misogyny, respect, the electoral college, science, death, the structure of the American government, the use of a face mask, and the goodness of humanity are incredibly complex conversations that happen daily in my house this 2020.
Conversations that usually come out of the blue at the most unexpected moments, and where my only formula to face them has been a mixture of honesty, immense love, and a reliable source of information.
However, this strategy of answering truthfully, even though it has worked for me, leaves me in an uncomfortable and vulnerable position where most of the time the answer is, "I don't know, but everything will be fine." wrapped in an ancient proverb that I repeat as a daily mantra that says, "this too shall pass."
Although these conversations are very enriching for everyone, it is inevitable to feel a bit of sadness when I witness how they’ve had to grow up so sudden and how despite being so young, they’ve had to face disputes with friends with different points of view.
As an adult, I have also experienced this situation of having difficult conversations with friends on innumerable occasions and if it is difficult for us as adults to arrive at the table with that level-headedness and emotional maturity that is required, it seems very naive and unfair to expect that my children can do the same.
Another fundamental change this year has been the way my children receive and process information. When they were younger, my husband and I were the filters between our children and the events of the world. We chose the tone and the words with which we were going to share with them the reality of an event that we considered important.
Now, we lost that “filter" role of as they usually find out what’s happening in the world firsthand through Instagram and TikTok. Although we have tried to explain to them that they always need to verify the source, the shocking thing is that now they receive not only the written story, but also the images, the videos, and the opinion of the influencer that informs them.
That's why this photo of my children has so much meaning behind it. From having them protected behind a concrete wall, now each of them has a direct window to the world. A window that is impossible to close and with which we have to learn to live.
That is why today I share with you the extraordinary conversation I had last week with Sonya Renee Taylor thanks to Responsibility.org.
Sonya Renee Taylor is a writer, an award-winning poet, and also an activist, speaker, and leader of The Body is not an Apology movement, where she talks about how having radical self-love and the empowerment and acceptance of the body are fundamental tools for social justice and world transformation.
The conversation we had with her started with her advice on how to try to process this year 2020 and she discussed how radical self-love helps us filter the information we receive and how it supports our children process this year filled with challenges and difficulties.
Sonya began the session by telling us how we all came to this planet as innately sufficient, without caveats or addendums. The experiences in life are the ones that challenge us to reflect on the tension between what we know and what we are conditioned to believe in and how these two positions live in conflict.
The previous point is the basis to begin a process of self-radical love, because it is not about acceptance, it’s also about love. Sonya says that acceptance is simply self-tolerance, love is a verb and requires action towards a place of true and radical love.
Radical love is contagious. Honesty, empathy, and radical vulnerability are portals that agitate and awake us.
And it was here when I asked her: “What would you say to a teenage girl living through this year 2020?”
She said it’s very important not to distort the real 2020 story with our children. That we should not disguise or hide under the rug everything we have experienced this year. If we are not honest with ourselves, we will not be able to honor this year the way we should.
She also mentioned the importance of taking our children with us on this journey of uncertainty and difficulty. Walking together and reflecting on what we have learned will allow us to see ourselves during this pandemic and we will be able to take everything that happened in 2020 as a support tool for 2021.
As for our children receiving first-hand information from social media, she recommended that we give them the context of the information they receive. This context will help them understand a little better the issues and other people’s opinion.
We ended the conversation talking about the 4 pillars of self-radical love which are:
1. Take out the toxic. It’s important for us and for our children to get rid of a toxic social media feed. We must also pay attention and see if the people in our feed are different from us since that enriches our lives and gives us a real representation of the world which opens our horizons.
2. The mind matters. Eliminate that binary language that erases the humanity of others.
3. Action without apology: Consider daily practices that exercise the muscle of self-love.
4. Collective compassion: It is important to give ourselves grace and compassion by showing love for that imperfect and insecure person that we are.
I hope these words from Sonya help you process this 2020 as much as they helped me.
Taking honesty as my flag, this Thanksgiving I think I will have a different activity with my children. Of course, like every year, we will go one by one giving thanks for all the positive things that this year 2020 brought us, but I think we will also share with radical honesty what we did not like about this year and what were the most difficult challenges we had to face.
As Sonya mentioned, contemplating this year 2020 with radical honesty will allow us to truly honor it and I believe that it will give us as a family a space to vent all those difficult moments that we have lived this year.
Thank you, Sonya, for introducing the word radical into my life, I think it defines this year perfectly and thank you also for sharing with us the tools to achieve radical self- love, radical forgiveness, and continue this path of radical vulnerability.
Sonya is working on a new children's book titled "The Book of Radical Answers" and is collecting questions from children ages 10-14 to help them navigate this world with love and confidence.
Of course, I have already participated and sent my children's questions, if you also want to participate, you can do so in this link anonymously, if you prefer.
I also recommend listening to the amazing conversation Sonya Renee Taylor had with Brené Brown on her podcast “Unlocking Us”:
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